Soul of an Artist
I often ask myself why I used to feel the need to numb my feelings. Did I always need to numb them, or was it a compulsion that drove me to do so. Whether highs, or lows. There are 2 schools of thought. Some say that you turn to substances because of your propensity to become an addict, something inherent in your physiology. Other schools of thought are proponents of the underlying issues being the cause for a person to turn towards substances of any sort, ranging from alcohol, to mood-altering medication, to drugs. It makes little difference what your poison is, once you are on the merry-go-round, really - you're stuck there until you find the will to get off. I have always had deeply intense emotions - the artist in me always prevailed, even if I performed brilliantly in academia. As powerful as is my brain, so is my capacity to be subject to very intense emotions, that has not always been easy to deal with. Indeed it was very, very hard. 'Was' not being exactly correct.