I read about a stoic's attitude towards grief. Of course it gets better but it comes and goes in waves.
It is one thing when you have to move mountains to achieve something - a family event or requirement, a career goal or deadline. That's an achievement in itself.
It's another to have to do it when your heart is broken. I asked myself - If I were to succeed in being a proper stoic, would this get better for me?
There's a lot of hype around being stoic - and it seems to be a magic formula so as not to suffer so intensely. But I guess, pain is necessary for us to move past certain experiences, to learn and to heal. But, achieving your goals in life while healing a broken heart is tough, even if you are a 'stoic' or practice stoicism in some form.
Making it alone in the midst of your grief isn't easy, but it is what makes you strong.
No doubt the Stoics were people who had feelings - big feelings. Look up Seneca's essays on grief and loss, or the stories of Marcus Aurelius crying for various reasons. Yes, being a stoic does not mean you do not hurt. But, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional: you feel pain but how you deal with it is your responsibility.
Like us, the stoics had big feelings but they carried on with life: made beautiful works of art, ran for office, tended families, ran businesses (farms, perhaps). They got on with their day, in spite of the grief. And sometimes because of it.
We need to process our emotions. Being stoic does not mean burying everything under the carpet. That only attracts more of the same, until you process your emotions and until you learn the lessons which the Universe has for you. Because life is happening for us, not to us.
And, just sometimes - or perhaps a bit more often than that - we have to set aside our emotions. Because we have loans to pay, children to raise, commitments to meet, work to earn a living.
Stoicism is about achieving that balance. The important thing is to move forward, no matter how small the steps.
How are you practising stoicism today?
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