I'm not a Joiner!
A couple of weeks I was having a chat with a friend of mine, who's an NLP Trainer. Incidentally she was my trainer but this was a chat over a meal, as friends. As we do.
The subject came up, of myself participating in some voluntary activities. I mentioned that as I've grown older it's become much. much harder to commit to anything. I'll explain.
Years ago I used to sign up for things - ballet classes, voluntary groups and other activities that required time and commitment, usually on a weekly basis and sometimes more.
As the years rolled by, I found that this became increasingly difficult. No matter how much I loved the activity, the intention, the idea behind it, I just could not come up with the grit. I would join for a few weeks, a few sessions, a few events but then feel unable to commit.
This made me very unhappy and gave me a sense of dissatisfaction, because I kept comparing myself with others, seeing them gain achievements through commitments and sacrifice. I was, and still am, unable to be bothered.
The subject came up, of myself participating in some voluntary activities. I mentioned that as I've grown older it's become much. much harder to commit to anything. I'll explain.
Years ago I used to sign up for things - ballet classes, voluntary groups and other activities that required time and commitment, usually on a weekly basis and sometimes more.
As the years rolled by, I found that this became increasingly difficult. No matter how much I loved the activity, the intention, the idea behind it, I just could not come up with the grit. I would join for a few weeks, a few sessions, a few events but then feel unable to commit.
This made me very unhappy and gave me a sense of dissatisfaction, because I kept comparing myself with others, seeing them gain achievements through commitments and sacrifice. I was, and still am, unable to be bothered.
I would often try and then feel swindled of my money, even if in reality I was not being swindled. and feel a generic level of discontent at having signed up for something that I then could not follow through. Time, other interests, work. life - all came in the way. This ended up causing nothing but grievance, so my friend's comment gave me instant insight. Neither do I like hanging around the same crowds all the time - I love to meet different people, hold them dear, and meet them again and again; just don't have to be with them all the time.
Back to this conversation a few days ago: I felt an instant relief, when she described the exact feeling (and explained it): "I'm not a joiner!"
I said, "What? What are you talking about?"
"Well," she said, "I'm not a joiner. I will participate, I will do things as and when I think I should but I won't join." Or words to that effect. She was talking about not take any long-term commitment to be ever-present in any particular activity. Or that is what I heard! And, further, that's ok.
I felt a huge form of release. I love my friends, I love to volunteer for a good cause, I love to be around people but I will not be tied down. I cannot handle it and I know I will not stick to it.
And a sense of freedom.
No more yearly memberships unless I wanted them to access something. No long-term commitments - just one task at a time. Thus, for example, if there is an activity by an environmental organisation, I could join in that, give my all in that activity but I would no longer feel obliged to join the club and start participating, only to have my interest dwindle later. Continued commitment would - or could - come naturally if I decide to involve myself in any activity. Or maybe not.
And that's ok.
Thank you, Jackey.
Back to this conversation a few days ago: I felt an instant relief, when she described the exact feeling (and explained it): "I'm not a joiner!"
I said, "What? What are you talking about?"
"Well," she said, "I'm not a joiner. I will participate, I will do things as and when I think I should but I won't join." Or words to that effect. She was talking about not take any long-term commitment to be ever-present in any particular activity. Or that is what I heard! And, further, that's ok.
I felt a huge form of release. I love my friends, I love to volunteer for a good cause, I love to be around people but I will not be tied down. I cannot handle it and I know I will not stick to it.
And a sense of freedom.
No more yearly memberships unless I wanted them to access something. No long-term commitments - just one task at a time. Thus, for example, if there is an activity by an environmental organisation, I could join in that, give my all in that activity but I would no longer feel obliged to join the club and start participating, only to have my interest dwindle later. Continued commitment would - or could - come naturally if I decide to involve myself in any activity. Or maybe not.
And that's ok.
Thank you, Jackey.
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