On Grief - Part 2: Just Keep Swimming

Earlier this year,  I published my On Grief post. Water has flowed under the bridge daily. I wanted to share some thoughts here.

My mentor, Jackey Backman, joined along with me on a holiday and we ended up being 'on retreat' together - mirroring each other and bringing up the other's isuses through being a mirror for each other. She also helped me process things as they came up, while we were travelling.

We were out of comms half the time and I kept her busy tapping her phone - not on social media but on a Trip Meter (which is an app that counts metres / kilometres) as we passed important signs and landmarks along our Sicily journey. We had to keep telling each other not to squirrel away in our heads and it was quite funny.


BUT there was great learning for both of us, I dare say, and having Jackey along (besides the great company) felt like doing a retreat. We were doing things we don't normally do, sometimes getting uncomfortable (including having ourselves in each other's presence almost all the time - it is not easy for us with our independent spirits, even if it was a privilege for me).

As I came back and started to settle into daily life again I got this amazing vision.

Through recent events, and I've kept my head down due to the immense processing I've had to do. BUT here's where my 'vision' comforted me.

At the beginning of huge losses (whether you kill the cow, or the cow goes away and dies) you are swimming in waters that are beyond your depth. You kick your feet and panic, trying to stay afloat. You just 'keep swimming'. HOWEVER:

As you become more confident in your swimming, you kick and struggle less and learn to float. The panic ebbs and you start to realise: you're actually swimming, and eventually, it will be such that you're actually swimming and it's quite nice, to actually fun, to glorious.


I am somewhere at the stage where I think I am beginning to float. There are moments when I struggle and kick my feet hard, but then it eases and I kick less (which, ironically, is when I start floating a little better.


So here's to the saying: just keep swimmin'



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