A Place in the Sun

 I read about a stoic's attitude towards grief.  Of course it gets better but it comes and goes in waves. It is one thing when you have to move mountains to achieve something - a family event or requirement, a career goal or deadline.  That's an achievement in itself. It's another to have to do it when your heart is broken.  I asked myself - If I were to succeed in being a proper stoic, would this get better for me? There's a lot of hype around being stoic - and it seems to be a magic formula so as not to suffer so intensely. But I guess, pain is necessary for us to move past certain experiences, to learn and to heal. But, achieving your goals in life while healing a broken heart is tough, even if you are a 'stoic' or practice stoicism in some form. Making it alone in the midst of your grief isn't easy, but it is what makes you strong. No doubt the Stoics were people who had feelings - big feelings.  Look up Seneca's essays on grief and loss, or the stor...

  I have found myself scrolling social media like crazy in recent weeks.  When bored. When tired. When needing down-time.  Hell, I'm even writing about it. This morning I left my phone upstairs while having a coffee with mum in the kitchen. And I was pacing nervously about. She just asked: "What's wrong with you today? You're pacing about like mad." The truth is, I had left the phone and was unable to quell the itch to look at social media. I wanted to see whether my recent story had any likes, whether my recent photography posts had received reactions, whether my posts had any views. And it goes on. Bloody crazy, if you ask me. So I thought: this deserves to be treated like an addiction.  You cannot take the first peek (outside of set peeking times, at least) and you have to 'do something else' rather than indulge in the social media world. Going in there, I risk becoming sucked in like a whirlpool, while life is going on outside. Not good. The withdrawal...

Earlier this year,  I published my On Grief post. Water has flowed under the bridge daily. I wanted to share some thoughts here. My mentor, Jackey Backman , joined along with me on a holiday and we ended up being 'on retreat' together - mirroring each other and bringing up the other's isuses through being a mirror for each other. She also helped me process things as they came up, while we were travelling. We were out of comms half the time and I kept her busy tapping her phone - not on social media but on a Trip Meter (which is an app that counts metres / kilometres) as we passed important signs and landmarks along our Sicily journey. We had to keep telling each other not to squirrel away in our heads and it was quite funny. BUT there was great learning for both of us, I dare say, and having Jackey along (besides the great company) felt like doing a retreat. We were doing things we don't normally do, sometimes getting uncomfortable (including having ourselves in ...

The monster strikes again.  Love and loss - we can safely say that all love stories end in tragedy - either because of some form of separation, or death. Grief has struck again and it is unspeakable.  Through the tears, I am working on self development. I look for him on social media and he's just below the surface, but not making any contact except occasionally.  To that extent, neither am I. I am keeping time and space as my healer, and possibly as an insight to both of us as to where we want to go. Most people I talk to on his side seem to think that this was the real deal for him. That our relationship was, for him, the works.  What could have driven him ... fear of commitment, the intensity, the crazy schedule.  I know he needs time. I know I need time too.  Through this, I learned that many limiting beliefs have determined how i deal with grief. And I am trying to change them. I don't have to go through the pain of the bargaining stage - the bargainin...

 This morning I woke up feeling really upset. I did not have a good night's sleep and this may be in part to some anxiety rolling around in my head.   So, in view of the recent craze we all seem to have with AI and AI-generated text, I asked ChatGPT to generate an article on beating Monday Blues.  Here it is with some (a lot!)  of my personalised adaptations and suggestions. Beating Monday blues involves adopting strategies to start the week on a positive note and alleviate any feelings of stress or reluctance. Here are some tips to help you overcome Monday blues: Plan Ahead on Friday: Ensure that you wrap up your tasks on Friday and create a to-do list for Monday. This helps you have a clear plan when you start the week. It's easy to lose track when picking up some 3 days later! Positive Mindset: Approach Monday with a positive attitude. Instead of focusing on the beginning of the workweek, think of it as an opportunity for a fresh start. Create your own min...

 Everyone knows that I love cats. This, especially since I brought home first two, and then a third cat. Their names are Tiggy and Luna, and Tuxy. At the time of writing, the older two are two and a half, while Tux is one and a half years old. Today is international cat day! So to all cat-lovers around the world - happy international cat day!  Here are my 3 cats. Luna - cheeky, sassy female, calico and affectionate: AKA Looney Luna Piggy Tiggy - a cutey with a baby voice. Tuxy, Tuxedo, Adolf. Shy and scared but very loving. Probably crazy about me.

 I thought of starting piano lessons again. It has been a while.  And, I thought - the lady upstairs from my office is a well-known piano teacher in Malta.  I hear the piano all day on a Tuesday - I could not miss out. So here I am, of a Tuesday at 6 p.m., starting again. Still having difficulty with self-discipline and all the things I thought of committing to.  This piano business has been the replacement for the love of ballet, seeing as the pain in my knees has often forced me to stop dancing. Piano lessons are not just for children, but are also great for adults who have always wanted to learn how to play the piano or who wish to continue their musical education. Taking piano lessons as an adult can be a rewarding and enriching experience. It can help to reduce stress, improve cognitive function, and provide a creative outlet. Moreover, with technology and the availability of online lessons, it has become even more accessible and convenient to learn the piano fr...

Embarking on a solo work-related journey led me to the captivating destination of Jersey. As the weekend unfolded before me, the inevitable question arose: where to dine? While the allure of retreating to the comfort of my room tugged at me—enveloped in its cold embrace, the prospect of a lackluster and solitary evening loomed. However, I chose to seize the moment differently. I envisioned this dining experience as an date with myself. With a touch of finesse, I carefully applied some makeup and wore elegant cosmetic jewelry—initially, I wasn't too sure I wanted to dress up so fancily. A couple of times, on the way to the restaurant, I resisted the temptation to buy my food from a grocery or take-away: would I have done that if I were dating someone? Or let someone do that to me? I thought, not. I thought of myself holding my own hand and must confess I almost felt shy. It was as though my lonely spirit was afraid to take the hand of my lively spirit. I came to this cute Thai resta...

  I am dying. Not a physical death - I mean, we're all moving towards death, physically, but that's beside the point. They say that the seed must die in order that the plant, the flower, grows. These platitudes might mean a lot, might serve as encouragement.   But nobody tells you how painful that death might be.  And how hard it is to see the end of the tunnel, even if you know it's in there somewhere. The current government's exposed corruption have led the country to take draconian measures against small enterprises and businesses (for fear of repatriation by the larger ones) in an attempt to placate the international community at fears of tax evasion and corruption taking place in this Mediterranean gem.  This has entailed the dismantling of my practice, the end of my freelance work and the entry into full time employment, with the stresses that it brings for persons with my current stance. It's taking it's toll, and I'm always tired. This has also entai...

  Whatever nature it takes, love requires management - of one's own way of being first.  To love another, you have to know how to care for yourself first. The old cliche, that you cannot fill from an empty jug, comes to mind, but it is, of course true. So, based on a recent experience that threw me, I delved into Thich Nhat Than's book, True Love, a veritable manual of how to deal with human relationships, the Buddhist way. I was brought up the Catholic way and I cannot say I've ever been given such an easy-to-follow and helpful 'manual' to human relationships. All I got, from my Catholic background, is a mountain of (sometimes-unwarranted) expectations from others, that have sometimes placed my relationships into question. Naturally, the ones that give the most trouble are the ones where one is most invested. That's a true and painful admission. But the lessons you learn for 'romantic' love, can easily be translated into other forms of relationships. Th...

 I often ask myself why I used to feel the need to numb my feelings. Did I always need to numb them, or was it a compulsion that drove me to do so. Whether highs, or lows. There are 2 schools of thought. Some say that you turn to substances because of your propensity to become an addict, something inherent in your physiology. Other schools of thought are proponents of the underlying issues being the cause for a person to turn towards substances of any sort, ranging from alcohol, to mood-altering medication, to drugs. It makes little difference what your poison is, once you are on the merry-go-round, really - you're stuck there until you find the will to get off. I have always had deeply intense emotions - the artist in me always prevailed, even if I performed brilliantly in academia. As powerful as is my brain, so is my capacity to be subject to very intense emotions, that has not always been easy to deal with. Indeed it was very, very hard. 'Was' not being exactly correct....